Lovely Lovely Lepidolite

I think we are all keenly aware of the fact that the world shut down almost exactly four years ago. There are a lot of topics we could dive into as we examine how the past four years have shaped us. But one thing about me is that I’m a sucker for a full-circle moment. And that’s what I want to go into today.

I want to go back to a moment when everything seemed so strange and unpredictable, and I chose to make a choice that changed the direction of my business, come back to the current moment when everything seems equally strange and unpredictable, and I’m choosing to make a choice that will change the direction of my business, and the crystal that was exactly what I needed in both moments: Lepidolite.

Lepidolite Necklace Four

from $35.00

First, lets get into the science facts: Lepidolite is an shimmery, Lithium-bearing Mica crystal that usually forms in flat slabs. It’s found all over the world, from the United States to Madagascar, and is not particularly uncommon. It is most commonly purple but can be pink as well. (source: The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall)

I first met Lepidolite in a third, previously unmentioned moment where everything seemed strange and unpredictable: at a crystal store in Hermosa Beach that I visited with my youngest sister and my two kids during the summer immediately after leaving my abusive ex husband. I was JUST starting to dip my toes into crystals, I don’t even think I’d started my jewelry business yet, and I had been on the hunt for some stones I had just learned about that were all about calming and cleansing. I remember one was selenite, one was black obsidian, and I got my kids their first crystals (clear quartz for my oldest, rose quartz for my son), and I’m not sure what else. I distinctly remember my oldest losing her shit because I said her dad was picking her up for the weekend (at the time this was a brand new development and she felt like I sprung it on her randomly) and my youngest offering to let her hold his rose quartz to calm down. It’s funny the things that stick with us.

What also stuck with me was the deep soothing energy of the little piece of Lepidolite that I bought that day.

It would be a few weeks (months?) before I started my jewelry business, and as I was adding new stones to my collection I knew that Lepidolite was a one that I NEEDED to get.

Because it literally contains Lithium (a common ingredient in psychiatric medication), Lepidolite is strongly associated with bringing a calming and stabilizing energy when life gets overwhelming. Lepidolite is the perfect stone for times of transition, because it reminds us that everything is ok, and is going to be ok. (source: Crystals - The Modern Guide to Crystal Healing by Yulia Van Doren) This was absolutely a top choice for my crisis-induced jewelry business.

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Lepidolite Hoops (pair one)

from $35.00

The thing was, it took me a WHILE to find a strand of Lepidolite beads in the style that had become my trademark, so even though my business started in August of 2019 and I’d been looking for Lepidolite beads basically that whole time, I didn’t have any in my possession until early 2020.

And before we even get into the events of March 2020, I had my first major growing pain: because when I started my jewelry business, I had NO money to invest and honestly no plans on starting a whole BUSINESS out of that project… I had been making my necklaces from cheap, bulk silver plated chains from Etsy. This fit my ethos of bringing pieces to market FAST and at an accessible price point, but the reality was that they DID tarnish quickly and were not the kind of long-term wardrobe staple I was envisioning.

I really WANTED to switch over to solid sterling chains (my earrings were already on solid sterling since the wires cost much less than the chains), but I’d set a certain pace for the amount of jewelry I was making/posting for sale each week, and there was no way I had the up-front costs to continue that in solid sterling. The jump from paying $17 for 25 chains to paying $5-6 EACH was just too big to do all at once. I bought a few and offered sterling as an optional upgrade, which some people did take me up on, but that was a a somewhat clumsy process of getting an order and then re-making the existing piece on the sterling chain.

Fully switching to sterling would mean that I’d have to drastically slow my pace. And slightly raise my prices. AND I was a newly single mom on welfare with no child support in sight and I needed the money.

And then the pandemic hit.

I had no in-person markets to book (this ended up being only temporary), I had to shutter my private, in-home sewing lesson business (this ended up being permanent), and I wanted to make a change that would put a pretty firm cap on how much money I could make each weekend in online jewelry sales. But there was one bright spot that was the pandemic unemployment benefits. After a CAREFUL read over the rules and income limits and all that… I realized that it was time.

And I did my first all-sterling crystal drop.

Of Lepidolite.

Now I guess we’ll never know if people were drawn to the properties of the stone, or just that everyone was filling their time with online shopping, but what I do know for sure is that that first solid sterling batch of Lepidolite almost sold out.

SO obviously, every time I was shopping for new beads, I was on the hunt for more Lepidolite beads.

AND I NEVER FOUND MORE.

For years.

Until this past summer when I had fundraised for a big bead order to replace all of the inventory that was stolen out of my car (my entire box of backstock, close to $10k of jewelry and my insurance only covered $1500). And there they were. The Lepidolite beads I had been searching for, all that time.

And now they’re back, with a limited collection of one-of-a-kind pieces.

Lepidolite Necklace One

from $35.00

Just in perfect, full circle timing, for this new moment where everything seems strange and unpredictable, making a choice that will change the direction of my business.

I’ve been feeling for the better part of a year, that the way that my business organically formed over pandemic times was not working anymore. I knew in my bones that SOMETHNG needed to change but I had no idea what that something was.

I felt so much like I was working AGAINST my weaknesses instead of WITH my strengths. I invested SO much time, money, and energy into things that “made sense” as the next step and none of them were going anywhere.

I went back to school. I got an internship in an “adult job” field. I focused my energy on my own daily habits, on my kids’ self-sufficiency, on letting myself REST.

It took me months of failure and a complete financial and mental health collapse and a painstakingly slow recovery to peel away the layers of burnout and self-preservation to uncover that, in all honesty, what I do best when I’m most aligned with my zone of genius, is writing.

Which is essentially the long answer for why I’m here with a very long blog post, finally telling the STORIES that brought about the jewelry brand that has been struggling because I had been pushing down the stories in favor of trying to let the product “speak for itself.” Products can’t speak. But I can. And clearly, once I get started, it’s hard for me to stop.

This feels like a moment of stepping into a vast, uncharted new territory.

But I’m not stressing about it.

Because I have my Lepidolite.

Lepidolite Hoops (pair four)

from $35.00

(Disclosure: all images are my own unless otherwise specified, and I use Amazon Associate links to earn a small commission from purchases made through them)

How to use your Crystal Affirmation Cards

Hello friends,

If last year was the ride that I wanted so badly to get off of but couldn’t, this year is already shaping up to be the magical journey of FINALLY making the life and business that really works for me.

And that starts today. Ok actually it started a couple of weeks ago when I decided that I was giving up self-sabotage for lent. But that’s a story for a different day.

Basically, every day that I want to run and hide and make myself small because that’s what feels safe… I’m getting off my ass and doing the hard thing that I know is the right thing. Yes this is… something that is happening literally every single day because that’s how deeply ingrained the self-sabotage is.

So here we are, with a new blog post (one of the major players in the new model of how things will be going here for the rest of the year) to announce a new, free, printable resource for keeping the good vibes flowing wherever you are (or, helping to get through some bad vibes if that’s what you’re going through):

Allow me to introduce, my very first mini-deck of self-love affirmation cards.

(hold for applause and audible gasps of shock and awe)

What are they?

Exactly like it says on the tin: 24 (meaning I designed 24 different ones) Printable (meaning you download the file, which is linked here, print them out at home, at work, or at your local public library) Self Love (meaning themed around building and reinforcing love and compassion for yourself and seeing yourself in the best possible light), Affirmation (they have positive affirmation statements written on them for you to read or say out loud to yourself), Cards (they are printed on paper cards so that you can tape them in places you want to see them regularly, carry them with you, or give them out to people who you think could use them)

How do I use them?

Ok so I guess there are two directions this question could go in: How do I use the digital file and how do I use the physical cards made from the file.

The answer to the first question is “click on the link, download the file from my Google Drive to save to your computer, then print them out (ideally on card stock, but ordinary paper will do) at 100% scale, then cut out the individual cards.”

And the answer to the second question is “that’s really up to you and how you like to work with affirmations, but a few suggestions that I might offer would be: tape your favorites up on every mirror you regularly use so that you can repeat them to yourself until you really, really believe them, put a few in your purse/wallet/planner so that you can have positive reminders wherever you go, shuffle them like tarot cards and pick one to reflect on in your journaling, or carry the whole pack with you and place them in inconspicuous public places so that a stranger can find them”

Why would I need these?

To increase positive feelings of self-love, obviously.

Ok I know that was a kind of woo-woo answer but here’s some real brain science to back it up: due to something called neuroplasticity, our brains, EVEN OUR VERY SET IN THEIR WAYS ADULT BRAINS can create shortcuts called neural pathways that allow us to bypass conscious thought (the part where my might talk ourselves out of believing something positive about ourself), and simply believe and embody a version of ourself that is more aligned with what we want to be. Affirmations (and by extension, having tangible reminders of them like affirmation cards) are a perfect tool to use this to our advantage.

Where do I get them?

By subscribing to my email list. All new subscribers will get a welcome email with the download link. But, since I understand that not everyone wants to join yet another email list (mine is really good though) and I don’t want to take away your ability to support my family financially (because this is, literally, my actual full time job that pays my bills), I also made the download available on my website.

Can you tell me a little bit more about the artwork?

Sure! I designed all of the cards around my own photography (those are my hands holding crystals from my personal collection), wrote the affirmations, and spent way too long nitpicking over designs and what was going where. Then, because I have no self-control, what I meant to be a single page printable turned into four pages of a complete affirmation card deck…

Wait one more time where is the link to get them?

You can purchase them here. The download link is in the welcome email if you want them for free.

If you’ve found a creative way to use your affirmation cards, PLEASE leave it in the comments, I can’t wait to find out how other people are using them. If you post photos on Instagram, be sure to tag @shop.victoriaannmeyers so that I can share them and keep those good vibes flowing around and around and around!

Til next time!

Citrine: the champagne of crystals

My journey with crystals didn’t START with Citrine, per se.

But if I were to pick a single stone that is WHY I do what I do for a living, it would absolutely, 100%, for sure, definitely, be Citrine.

If you’re familiar with my story, you know that my artistic/business background is not in jewelry. Honestly, what I’m best at/have put most of my professional efforts into is garment sewing, followed closely by teaching, then other assorted fiber arts (think knitting, crochet, embroidery), then writing, then fine arts…

Jewelry is, honestly, not very high on my list of experience/skillset, and yet, this is the thing I do for work, that’s been, truly, the only thing that’s WORKED long-term.

But that’s the magic of Citrine.

Citrine Necklace One

from $35.00

While my first experience with crystal energy happened during a very strange crisis-induced visit to a metaphysical store, it took several more months to meet Citrine.

I first heard of Citrine from Gala Darling, when I did her Cash Money Honey course (that was the only course I finished out of another crisis-induced course bundle purchase), and there was a lesson about cleaning out your wallet and putting a piece of Citrine in it to attract and multiply abundance.

As a newly single, extremely traumatized mother of two small children, with no income after several years being a SAHM, this was the hope and positivity I needed.

So on my SECOND trip to a metaphysical store, I bought myself a tiny piece of Citrine.

If you haven’t ever been to a metaphysical store, you may not be familiar with the little cards that come with the crystals to tell you more about them. As I became more familiar with my little piece of Citrine, I leaned into its properties: joy, success, abundance… in clear yellow bubbles just like a sip of champagne.

It was everything I wanted and needed in my life at that time.

And I needed to have that energy with me at all times. I needed a Citrine Necklace.

Citrine Necklace Two

from $35.00

I had a super clear picture in my mind of what I wanted, and I was SURE that I’d quickly find what I was looking for on Etsy.

Unfortunately, I didn’t.

Which was weird because I definitely knew that the beads that I wanted on the necklace existed, and because I had previously gone through a phase of making essential oil necklaces for friends and family, I knew it would be very easy to put them on a necklace chain in the configuration that I was envisioning. But no one else was already doing it. So, I guess I had to?

Well, here’s a fun fact for anyone out there who doesn’t know about jewelry making supplies: for some weird reason buying a single quantity of any jewelry supply item (necklace chain, beads, wire, etc), is roughly the same price as buying a bulk pack of that item.

So… I made the (at the time) questionable decision to spend $100 that I absolutely did not have on my PayPal business credit line on some supplies so that I could make this necklace happen and just… hope? that my Instagram friends would buy enough of them to cover this financial misstep.

Obviously, I wouldn’t be here writing this if they didn’t.

The first batch almost completely sold out. People asked for more choices. Smaller stones. Earrings. Sterling Silver instead of plated. Gold filled hardware. And on and on from there, my business slowly and steadily grew into what it is now.

And it all comes back to that Citrine.

Citrine Necklace Three

from $35.00

A stone that’s not just about financial abundance that comes from years of hard toil, but abundance that FLOWS through joyful, cup-filling work, that is EASY and FUN and GOING WELL.

Over the past, I don’t know, year and a half? So many aspects of my life and business have just, imploded. When I start to unpack where things went wrong, it comes right back around to Citrine. Or rather, losing sight of that Citrine energy, and letting my life overflow with those magical champagne bubbles of joy and abundance.

It’s time to bring that back. It’s why I’m even here in the first place. If I’m going to keep going, that’s the magic I need to hold on to.

So, let’s raise a toast to Citrine: the champagne of crystals.

Citrine Necklace Four

from $35.00

2023 Holiday Gift Guide

It’s that time of the year:

Holiday parties are coming, holiday gifts need purchased, and the cry to “shop small” is stronger than ever in these bleak economic times. We know we should, we all know the immense value in supporting small businesses, and giving unique, thoughtful gifts, but with all of the * gestures broadly * thats going on, it can feel overwhelming and unattainable.

Trust me, I get it.

And that’s why I’m here, making this gift guide, not as a list of more things that you need to do, but as my gift to you of removing several steps from the immense mental load that is planning and purchasing holiday gifts. Look, I’m not a fan of long-winded, beat-around-the-bush marketing, so I’m just going to lay all my cards out on the table right now:

This entire gift guide is composed of holiday gift ideas for MANY people that may or may be on your holiday gifting list (my apologies if you thought you were done and I reminded you of someone else to shop for!!!), that are all available for purchase right now, on one website, for 15% off with the code GIFTGUIDE). I’m really here to make this as easy as possible for you to get a ton of shopping done, all in one step, WITH THE ADDED BONUS of feeling really great that you supported a WOC-owned small business. Aren’t you so lucky to have me in your life????

Ok, ok, enough preamble lets get into the actual gift guide, which I’ve organized by difficult-to-shop-for recipients because yes, I am that thoughtful and amazing, thank you for noticing.

Yep, I’m coming right out of the gate with the HARDEST one, and guess what: this gift is also likely to make her cry and/or upgrade you to favorite child status. It’s a customized birthstone necklace. Not only am I a mom, but I also have a mom and know TONS of moms. Moms LOVE customized things, and they especially love customized things that remind them of their kids and grandkids. Not all moms are a cricut decal Stanley cup mom (which we totally respect in this house, all genres of mom are welcome here), but that doesn’t mean that our subtle, classy moms can’t participate in the customized mom-gift festivities. That is, specifically what I am here for. My custom birthstone necklaces obviously have all 12 birthstones available (it would be silly if they didn’t), AND have options for one, two, three, or four stones to be included on the necklace (which is on a very dainty 18 inch chain in solid .925 sterling silver OR 14k gold filled, I mean, I’ve really thought of everyone here).

And NO, this gift idea is not limited just to moms wanting the birthstones of their own kids. Here is a helpful and non-exhaustive list of other potential recipients and appropriate birthstone configurations:

• Newlyweds (both spouses’ birthstones)

• Sisters (matching necklaces with all sisters’ stones)

• Grandmas (with grandkids’ birthstones)

• People who just love customized things (their own birthstone)

• People you want to always be reminded of how great you are (your birthstone)

• I mean truly, the list goes on and on.

Ok so now you need a gift for that person that is way classier than you and everything they have is so much nicer than anything they sell at places you shop.

Is that extremely specific? Yes. But if we’re all really, truly honest with ourselves, do we ALL have somebody like this in our lives? Also yes. If we’re being completely honest here… This is the exact person I was thinking of when I designed my Freshwater Pearl Collection.

Pearls are a classic, with a beauty that transcends age groups and fashion trends and social demographics, and my Freshwater Pearl Necklaces blend this timeless elegance with my signature minimalist styling for pieces that are truly special, and there are three different style options: tiny tiny seed pearls, organic round pearls, and Biwa stick pearls to suit all kinds of classy tastes.

So whether the headline conjured up the mental picture of your grandma who is always dressed to the nines, your super successful sister-in-law, your college roommate who is about to get married (these make great bridal jewelry!!!!), your boss who you were horrified to draw in the office secret santa… I’ve got you covered.

What are you getting for your witchy friend, who is super into astrology and crystals, but you don’t know enough about either to be sure you’re getting the right thing?

I know, this is where you THOUGHT I was going to start, but what can I say, I am FULL of surprises.

But back to our point. The answer to our conundrum is actually super simple: The Zodiac Collection. If you know their birthday, you are one quick google away from knowing their Sun Sign, and you have everything you need to know to get them a necklace, pair of hoops, or even a matching set. Yes, I have all 12 of them.

Actually what makes this collection so special is that I spent an entire astrological year (from the beginning of Aries Season to the end of Pisces Season) doing a deep dive into each sign, what their innate strengths are, and where they tend to be challenged, and then curated a collection of 5 stones that enhances/balances those traits. So in addition to being an incredibly thoughtful gift, it also comes with a card that lists the stones and properties that I chose for each sign, so no, you don’t need to know about crystals, or even zodiac signs, to really knock it out of the park with this gift.

And what about the kids, who are simultaneously very cool but also weirdly vague about their interests…

Honestly the answer for this one is STICKERS. So many stickers. I have stickers with pictures I took in Paris on them. Stickers with bold affirmations on them. Stickers with swear words on them. EVEN STICKERS WITH BOOBS ON THEM. Just what everyone needs for their emotional support water bottle. And if you happen to have some youths on your shopping list that are keeping the punk traditions alive: there are also pins.

Also, speaking from my experiences at in-person markets: kids also love the mother of pearl star necklaces.

Next up is your friend that is super into essential oils.

I feel like, we all have at least one of these people in our lives but unfortunately because there are VERY STRONG OPINIONS about brands and types of essential oils (and a myriad of motivations on getting so into them) it can be tricky to find a gift that complements their passion but isn’t accidentally something that they don’t use and are offended by you not knowing which kinds of handmade soaps or candles are “good” and which ones aren’t.

And for them I have my essential oil jewelry collection. Fun fact, essential oil necklaces were the very first jewelry thing I ever made, back in 2016 when my infant son broke the one wore every day and I had to make a new one becasue I couldn’t afford to replace it (and then I gifted all of the others to friends and family for the next year of holidays and birthdays), AND they were the first jewelry I ever made to sell, way back in 2019 when I was a newly single mom with no income trying to figure out how I was going to take care of my kids all by myself (spoiler alert, it was by selling jewelry).

My essential oil collection is all made with natural lava rock. The lava rock beads are porous, so when you drip a drop or two of your favorite essential oils on them, they act as your own personal little diffuser, and the therapeutic benefits of the oils will remain on the beads for 2-3 days (one note of caution, please do not put citrus oils on a necklace thats sitting directly on your skin and then go out in the sun unless you want to be very surprised by a mystery burn that looks like you’ve been strangled, citrus oils increase photosensitivity and should always be used with care).

Also, side note, I’ve been making/selling essential oil jewelry for A WHILE, and while yes, essential oil necklaces are something that you see other places and a very passionate essential oil person may already have one… Essential oil EARRINGS (which I have several styles of available!!!) are far less common. So, just putting it out there if you’re feeling like you need a more unique gift.

Do you have a minimalist on your list?

My 15mm tiniest crystal hoops are as mini as they come. For true minimalist vibes I’d reccomend clear quartz, hematite, black obsidian, moonstone, or herkeimer diamond on either sterling or gold filled, but there are 33 other crystals to choose from to get the perfect pair.

Oh, and no matter what stone you choose, each pair is lovingly gift-wrapped AND comes with a card explaining the healing properties of the stone that you picked.

Shopping for a maximalist fashion icon is a fun challenge, and I have just the thing:

Abalone moon hoops.

That’s it, thats the gift. They are bold, they are swingy, they are shiny, and no two pairs are alike.

Ok maybe we need some more options. Labradorite Maiden, Mother, Crone necklace.

Again, bold and one-of-a-kind pieces for your favorite person that embodies 100% bold and one-of-a-kind-ness.

And finally, as a Libra, I am legally obligated to build a little treat into literally every single thing that I have to do as a reward for doing the thing. And because you sat with me here, and did so much holiday shopping, I think theres one more person you need to get something for:

Yourself. Look at you, you just did an incredible job getting so much holiday shopping done, while supporting a WOC-owned small business, AND saving so much money (because you used the code GIFTGUIDE to get 15% off). I’m so proud of you and if anyone deserves a little treat, its you.

And for you, I picked these precious little mother of pearl flower hoops. I love these, they haven’t been given the attention they deserve. Also, just between us, these were a limited run and when they’re gone… They’re gone for good.

This is Thirty (and a half)

Today’s my half-birthday, which according to my brother is not a thing, but for a variety of reasons, we don’t listen to my brother. I started “observing” half-birthdays when I made my oldest (now eight) a half-circle cake when she turned 18 months old. And it kind of stuck. On the kids’ half birthdays they get to pick something fun to do, maybe we go on a field trip or to Disneyland or maybe it’s just a regular day and they get to pick what we have for dinner/dessert. It’s just one of those little things that makes me happy.

Which is something I think we all need a lot more of right now, given the uh… circumstances.

And since my actual birthday last year kind of just got dissolved into the drama of beginning my divorce and having to grapple with the unfairness of how much of the damage my ex did was just… on me to fix. I didn’t feel up to really celebrating and honestly spent most of my 30th birthday alone and crying (a fun repeat of my 22nd and 26th birthdays!). So I’ve kind of just… moved my birthday to… today.

The things I would have normally done on October 11th, like buying myself an entire gluten free cake from the bakery at Sprouts, making myself a pizza with actual pasteurized mozzarella cheese for dinner, making an extremely emo spotify playlist, and finally caving and ordering myself a nintendo switch because IF I CANT GO TO DISNEYLAND I AM GOING TO AT LEAST HAVE ANIMAL CROSSING TO KEEP ME COMPANY. Today is MY FUCKING DAY (it helps that my kids are with their dad this weekend).

And since, I have the time and mental space today, I just want to spend some time soaking in the gratitude I have for everything that’s happened in the past six months. All I’ve built, all I’ve learned, all I’ve let go of, and how much I really, truly have grown in such a short time.

The thing that’s sticking out to me the most today is how grateful I am to have gotten to test out that thing about how before you decide you’re depressed make sure you’re not surrounded by assholes thing.

Since I turned 30 I’ve certainly made a lot of progress as far as learning what my boundaries are, what toxic environments I need to remove myself from, and how I can be true to myself and live out my values without always being on the defensive. I’m not perfect at this, and certainly have a long way to go here.

BUT.

I can say that the internal shift that’s come with choosing to spend my time and energy on the relationships where I’m a “wealth of knowledge” rather than a “know it all”, “inspiring” instead of “annoying”, and “talented” instead of “weird”, where people say they’re proud of me or that I’ve made them think differently about something has been A TRIP. Because even though I know that so much of our mental health boils down to our own self talk, it’s really hard to practice that if you never hear it from the outside. And having that practice on the inside has helped me learn to turn that outward and show that same appreciation for others, that for me are the talented and inspiring wealths of knowledge that I’m proud of, and finally getting to be a part in a cycle of positivity and building up, rather than conflict and competition.

This is completely foreign after spending the majority of my teens and twenties trying to fit myself into groups where there just wasn’t a place for me, and then feeling bad about myself with then made me feel bad about the people who were already in those groups. And I love it.

And I think it’s really this new positive turn in the relationship I have with both myself and others, that has helped me to be so… ok (comparatively speaking) with living through a global crisis. A past version of myself would have spent these past couple weeks panicking and sobbing about how she had JUST managed to start earning enough money to keep the bills paid alone and now that’s gone for who knows how long and what if she can’t get that back. But the current version of myself knows that the fact that (with a lot of help) she could overcome the hurdles of her past and, in a matter of MONTHS, rebuild her life (really, build it up for the first time) after a decade of poverty and trauma to something somewhat stable, she can definitely do it again, probably better and faster because she’s got a new toolbox filled with all the lessons she learned going through it the first time.

I like this version of myself better.

I like thirty-and-a-half.

What we eat (and why)

If you know me in real life, you know that I’m the epitome of Libra/Enneagram 4/INFJ and I just don’t really want to fit neatly into any boxes. I like to see all sides of issues, make thoughtful decisions on a case-by-case basis, and I just really struggle with any kind of overly dogmatic lifestyle. I’ve noticed I live a lot of life in that grey, in-between space, straddling the line between all of the most divisive parenting issues, and our diet is NO EXCEPTION. Since recipes/meal planning/food stuff is something I’ve wanted to post more of, and people have asked about, I thought I’d take a minute to explain a little more about what we eat (and don’t eat) and why:

We don’t eat gluten

Benny and I have celiac disease, which, in case you’ve never been at a party with me, is a hereditary autoimmune disease in which a defective antibody perceives the gluten (protein found in wheat and other grains) as a foreign body that must be attacked, resulting in (most commonly) disgusting digestive issues and other chronic health problems. No, it is not an allergy, and no, there is 0% chance Benny will grow out of it someday. The only treatment is not eating gluten, and, because the immune system is a cruel mistress, even small amounts of gluten can create long term problems and the more you eat the worse the reactions get. SO we can never have anything gluten in the house, except for a loaf of bread for Alice to make herself sandwiches and toast with because the poor thing has to eat an unnecessarily gluten free diet because this mom is NOT cooking twice.

We don’t eat meat

Ok * I * don’t eat meat (chicken, beef, pork, etc), for a complicated web of social and environmental reasons. So I don’t cook meat and the kids never have it at home. They’re allowed to eat it at restaurants and other people’s houses, but, in all honesty they don’t even always choose it.

We do eat eggs

I was vegan for several years when I was a teenager and I’m going to be honest, that diet just didn't work for me health-wise. I need some animal fat and protein in there or I’m just really weak and generally not well. Eggs work well to get some extra fat and protein in while being less delicious than cheese so I can keep a better control over portions (we’ll get to that later). While ideally I’d like to only buy pasture-raised eggs, that’s just not financially an option for us, so, I just buy regular white store eggs.

We do eat fish and seafood (but not often)

Ok so I have this thing where I absolutely 100% COULD NOT eat an animal that there is any potential I could become friends with. But I don’t see this potential in any kind of fish or ocean animal (except maybe whales but whale has never been an option presented to me), so we do eat fish occasionally. But mainly just cans of (line caught) tuna. We used to eat a lot of fish (and by a lot I mean at most twice a week which is probably not actually a lot), but in an effort to be more fiscally and environmentally conscious with our food purchases (farmed fish is bad and sustainable fish is too expensive), I don’t buy fish for our like, normal home dinners anymore.

We don’t eat dairy*

Ok here’s where things get tricky: Benny can not have any dairy at all or he gets really gross digestive problems, and if I’m going to have to choose between being bossed around by food or by poop, I’m going to pick food. I can (word used loosely) eat dairy but it turns out that if I eat too much my fibromyalgia-related inflammation gets really bad, so, in general, I don’t eat dairy. Ok I do but I almost always regret it. Recently we’ve found that both of us tolerate raw, unpasteurized dairy really well, but that’s kind of spendy so we also use a lot of dairy alternatives like coconut cream, oat milk, and cashew cheese. Again poor Alice gets the short end of the stick because she has no dietary issues at all.

We don’t have treats at home

This is less of a “teaching the kids healthy habits” rule and more of a “mom has a problem with stress eating and doesn’t trust herself to just not eat all the treats” rule, but, it’s one that I’m really happy that we made. 1. because in general I think we make better food choices when a treat isn’t an option, and 2. because it makes when we DO go get a treat a lot more enjoyable/easy not to overindulge.

I don’t do snacks

So I do that mean french mom thing where the kids get the meals I make and thats it. I don’t limit portions at meals, and I won’t make them finish a meal. But if they leave a lot, I’ll pop that in the fridge for when they ask for a snack and they want more later, they can have nuts or fruit that they can get for themselves. Funnily enough they have yet to be hungry enough between meals to take me up on any of that…

I make as much as I can from scratch

There are two main reasons for this one: price and sustainability. We’ve gone through phases where we had NO grocery money, and those times taught me that there are SO MANY things you can make for SO MUCH cheaper than you can buy, and more recently as I’ve gotten into the zero-waste thing, it’s also probably the easiest way to reduce kitchen waste (both food and packaging). So our pantry and fridge are chock full of recycled jars filled with homemade sauces, peanut butter, hummus, granola, etc.

We don’t eat organic

I mean I’d like to, but I just can’t justify the price difference. We typically shop at Sprouts, and their prices for organic produce are often close enough to do some organic produce, and when I buy tofu I always get organic because soy (and it’s only 30 cents more), but… as far as our other grains and any other dry or packaged goods? Organic is not a priority we can have right now.

We eat out kind of a lot

For someone that spends so much time in the kitchen, I don’t actually enjoy cooking that much. Our take-out options are kind of slim between Benny and I, but… given the option, I’d much rather just pick something up instead of forcing myself to cook or pack food. And I don’t feel even a teeny bit guilty about it, since our at-home diet is really clean and budget-conscious.

I don’t police what the kids eat outside the home

Ok so we’ve gone over that our diet at home is pretty strict, but I don’t carry that with us when we’re out. With the exception of Benny’s allergies, the kids can eat whatever they want when we’re at restaurants or parties. This isn’t really a hill I’m willing do die on, and honestly generally, they do a really good job of regulating themselves, since they’re not eating junk all the time, their bodies don’t really want/like it.

So if that was confusing, I hear you. It’s confusing to explain to someone who heard me mention “vegan cheese” that we’re not vegan, or when I ask a restaurant multiple questions about their allergy menu and then Alice orders a grilled cheese sandwich. I don’t have a name for how we eat, sometimes if I try to label it I’ll say some combination of “low-waste-gluten-free-plant-based” but that’s a mouthful and doesn’t seem entirely accurate anyway…

But, if you’ve been creeping on my Instagram and rightly confused about our dietary ethos/restraints. This is it. And moving forward to any future food posts, this is kinda where it’s all coming from.

Is slow fashion a privilege?

Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush here... if you're familiar with the idea of "slow fashion" at all, you've probably noticed that it caters to a... certain demographic. And... it's a very white, very affluent, very a-lot-of-time-on-their-hands kind of demographic. If fast fashion is designed to attract people with it's convenience and low prices, slow fashion, at least as it appears from the outside, seems to be... not very attainable to people who depend on those two things. Slow fashion seems to be limited to the privileged few who can afford painstakingly shopping for fair trade, organic, artisan make investment garments, or who have the time, skills, space, and equipment to make clothes themselves.

or is it?

I’m willing to argue that it’s fast fashion that’s the privilege.

whaaaaaaattt?

I know. Just hear me out here: fast fashion is based on two major principles, low prices and a constant influx of new trends. The clothes are affordable, yes, but the lower per-item prices is to get you to buy more pieces than you ordinarily would, ultimately spending more money than you would have in the first place because you got such a "good deal".

Second, fast fashion retailers use a calendar with as many as 52 "seasons", meaning, they can have new clothes every week creating a need for consumers to frequent the store so that they don't "miss anything". This creates a mindset where one is never not shopping, eyes always open looking for the next great deal, one that's so cheap they don't think much of the costs (financial, environmental, or social). Eventually it becomes such a deep habit that it's not entirely conscious. 

"But how is that a privilege, Victoria? We need clothes and what's wrong with getting them in the most affordable way possible?" Well, here's where I'm about to blow your mind... do we, does anyone, need a constant stream of new clothing? yes, we grow, we change, we have babies, move, change jobs, and all of those situations require new clothing to an extent. And even the best clothing doesn't last forever but... do we actually need a new outfit for every thing we go to? Do we need to be constantly hunting for our next new thing? How many of us, really, legitimately do not own enough clothing to keep us decently clothed between laundry days? Just... think about that for a minute. 

Nothing about fast fashion has to do with necessity.

And lets talk about the “other” costs of fast fashion: the exploitative wages, poor working conditions, and environmental consequences, that the buyer never even has to see or consider, let alone live in?

And now for the other side of the equation, does slow fashion include certain kinds of "luxury goods"? Yes, but here is a (non-exhaustive) list of other things that fall under the umbrella of "slow fashion": secondhand clothing (in all its forms), mending worn or damaged clothing, properly caring for clothing you already own, swapping borrowing clothing, refashioning/restyling clothing... things that are all generally associated with necessity rather than privilege?

To recap:

Buying more clothes than you need = privilege

“Needing” a constant stream of NEW clothes = privilege

Buying garments that are so cheap that the makers couldn’t possibly have made a living wage = privilege

Not having to see or deal with the environmental consequences of your purchases = privilege.

Slow fashion doesn’t sound so bad in comparison anymore, does it?

Healing myself through DIY fermentation

If you’re in my kitchen on any given day (as I am, for most of my day, it feels like), you’ll probably notice the jars. Like, copious amounts of jars. Jars with dried stuff in the pantry, jars of soup and stuff in the freezer, and jars of weird smelly liquids in the cabinet above the stove. These last jars are the ones I want to talk about today.

Over the past year or so I’ve gotten really into DIY fermentation. I started with apple cider vinegar, moved on to sourdough bread, sauerkraut, and most recently, ventured into an assortment of milk kefir varieties. On the surface this seemed like just one of my many phases, kind of a natural progression from the zero-waste/plant based thing, but over time, as my personal life fell apart, I realized it was a lot more than that.

After spending the majority of my 20’s in a really dark place, feeling alone and useless and like everything I did just made things worse, I’ve spent a good three-ish years now really intentionally nurturing whatever little bits of light I can find. It’s been grueling, discouraging work. I had always known the relationship I was in wasn’t good but over time realized that it was a cesspool of narcissistic abuse that I had gotten myself stuck in. I knew my self-esteem was shot and I couldn’t do the BIG things to make myself feel better, but I could dive into the little things. I mean that’s what you do when you’re trapped and can’t control the big things, right? You control the little things.

Making all our food was something that grew out of necessity: we didn’t have a lot of grocery money and my son and I have dietary restrictions. I needed a way to make our diet affordable, and doing low-waste plant-based with a lot from scratch really helped. And it made me feel confident and productive, knowing that at the very least I made us some decent food every day. No one likes just living on rice and beans (actually my kids really don’t like beans), and branching out into fermentations allowed me to do previously “expensive” things for practically free.

But something else was growing with the lactobacillus and wild yeast: I was growing. I couldn’t see myself making progress, drowning in the day-to-day responsibilities with the kids and walking on eggshells to avoid another big fight (thanks church “counselors” who told me the abuse was because I provoked it!), but every day I burped the kraut or fed the sourdough, and I could see the transformation. With just a little bit of time and care, regular foods could be transformed into something special. And maybe I could too.

I started to see myself in those jars: I felt like trash, but so were the apple cores that would become the apple cider vinegar that we used a lot of couldn’t really afford to keep buying. I’d been crushed over and over again, but the cabbage had to be too in order to become sauerkraut. The sourdough kept growing and getting better as long as I kept it fed, turning plain flour and water into something magical I couldn’t find anywhere else.

I’d tried DIY fermentation once before, years ago, and it went horribly. I’d convinced myself I couldn’t do it. But here I was, older, wiser, more experienced, more patient, and I was doing it. What if I tried again for me? What if I could put that same care into myself? What could happen?

I could become someone that’s not deeply entrenched in self-loathing. I could be someone who asks for help with the kids and goes out with friends. I could be someone that takes time to enjoy things, someone that doesn’t wait around for others to make plans, someone that tries new things, someone that goes on crazy adventures, someone that doesn’t live in a constant existential dread that something terrible is about to happen. I could become someone that isn’t (as) easily manipulated.

I could become all of those things, and destroy all that was left holding my abusive relationship together. I could keep pushing forward, keep learning and growing, keep feeding myself, giving myself time…

I could make plain milk into creamy yogurty kefir. I could become someone thats strong enough to leave.

It didn’t happen overnight. But neither does sauerkraut.

Real life thoughts on this zero-waste thing

It’s Plastic Free July, and the topic of sustainability is a bit more um… popular than it usually is. And instead of retreating to my usual but where were you the rest of the year cynicism I want to embrace the this-is-the-time-of-the-year-people-are-talking-about-this to share a bit more about my own personal journey with zero-waste and some of the thoughts I have on it:

About a year and a half ago I started the #zerowastewednesdays hashtag to share small, accessible swaps and recipes that can help anyone make baby steps toward a lifestyle with less single-use waste. Is my personal lifestyle 100% perfectly zero-waste? Not at all. And there are some hangups with our living situation that make it impossible to REALLY go for that end goal. Which, I’m guessing is true for the vast majority of people, no matter how committed they are to the environment.

I mean, we don’t (and can’t) compost at our current apartment. We have to do our laundry off-site so not only are cloth cleaning rags, diapers, and feminine products out of the questions, air-drying our clothes just isn’t practical either. Our neighbors keep contaminating the recycle bin so sorting our trash is pointless. We don’t have any cool zero-waste bulk stores around (and I still can’t get a straight answer as to whether Sprouts will let me use my own jars?). We homeschool and my kids make trash like it’s a FULL TIME FREAKING JOB. These are all big things, BUT should I let that delude me into believing that I can’t do anything? No, no I shouldn’t.

The benefits of a zero-waste lifestyle are real, and I mean, who doesn’t love

• saving money by not buying disposable things

• saving time by not being at stores all the time and taking out the trash less often

• being healthier because you aren’t eating packaged junk food.

• making a positive impact on the world as a whole

BUT living a totally zero-waste lifestyle where my whole family puts our trash in a mason jar is just not an attainable goal for my family right now. I honestly don’t know if that will ever be our goal. BUT I’m still passionate about sharing our journey to minimizing our waste in as many ways as possible. Why? Theres a quote that goes around the instagrams a lot that goes something like “we don’t need a few people doing zero waste perfectly, we need a lot of people doing it imperfectly”, and I think that’s really it. I want to show earnest, imperfect steps toward a zero-waste lifestyle to show others just how much they CAN do.

Like, let’s put it in numbers for a second: If, theoretically, I could bring my family’s total landfill waste to zero and just kept it to myself until I did and THEN started sharing, that would just be one household’s impact on a global problem, and it wouldn’t exactly motivate others to follow if they thought the only way they could help is to also make no trash at all. BUT, with slow, steady, incremental changes I have decreased our family’s trash output by at least half (and it would be closer to 75% if we could compost and recycle here!). I have about 1600 followers on Instagram, and let’s just say that everyone finds some swaps they can do and reduces their family’s landfill waste by even a measly 10%, then woah, thats 160 households worth of trash diverted. And that’s just from little old Instagram-nobody me. So, as defeatist as I am generally inclined to be, when I look at it that way, how can I not share my journey, as slow and imperfect as it is?

And also, I want to show that an environmentally conscious lifestyle doesn’t HAVE to look like what you see on Instagram. Yes, vintage thrift finds and stainless steel tiffins ARE great zero waste options, but that’s not the only way. Zero waste also looks like:

• using up what you already have before buying something new

• buying fewer, higher quality items

• refusing single-use items you don’t need

• repairing things instead of replacing them

• buying used wherever possible

I’m a firm believer that for most things, there really isn’t just one right way to do it, so if there’s something you see in your life where you can remove single-use plastic or divert waste from the landfill then great! do that! If you’re looking for ideas, I have a ton on my #zerowastewednesdays hashtag (and there’s the… whole rest of the internet too), if you’re looking for a little more guidance as you get started, here’s some basic guiding principles that have really helped me a lot:

Do what you can, where you can. Yes, there are going to be things that are out of your reach for the time being. There are going to be things that just flat out don’t work for you. Don’t focus on those things. Focus on the things that you can change right here, right now. Maybe those other things will be able to work someday (I’m still hoping I’ll get to live somewhere with a clothesline outside someday!), but until they do, theres plenty of other things that can be done.

One change at a time. Trying to change your entire way of living all at once is a surefire way to get burnt out and swing to the complete opposite extreme. Its also, in this case, can be like, really freaking expensive. So just take things one at a time, try one new zero waste alternative each time you run out of something (toothpaste, laundry soap, etc), but don’t rush it. It’s not a race. And you’re more likely to stick to a small change than a big one.

Remember small changes add up to big impact. Obviously I can only speak for my personal experience, but, if you had told me five years ago when I started using tupperware instead of ziplocs that eventually I’d be taking the trash out once or twice a week instead of every other day I wouldn’t have believed you. That first change seemed to small to be significant, but when combined with all the other changes that came after, I can see the difference and because the shift in our lifestyle was so gradual, it doesn’t even feel like much of a change.

Also, I’m working on some (ok a lot) more zero-waste oriented blog posts, so please comment or email to let me know if there are any questions you have. If you’re wondering, I’m sure others are too and I’d love to help in any way I can!

Seven alternatives to fast fashion

Ok we all know by now that fast fashion is BAD NEWS. Bad for the environment, bad for the people making it, ironically bad for the consumer who’s getting tricked into spending a greater percentage of their earnings on clothing because they’re buying so many more “cheap” garments then they used to (true story there’s like studies on this and everything). But like what’s the alternative. Slow fashion, right?

BUT WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!?

This is like, kinda my big thing that I won’t shut up about and Even * I * have a hard time explaining what slow fashion actually is. So, instead of writing a post trying to explain the theory and ethos, I’ve put together a helpful list of practical alternatives to buying fast fashion so that we can all slow down our wardrobes and create positive change in consumer trends with tangible actions instead of arguing about concepts. Sounds good? Good.

1. Love the clothes you already have.

   Look, I’m willing to bet that you already HAVE clothes. probably even more than you actually need. So wear those!. Read the care labels so they can last longer! Experiment with different combinations so it feels like you have more of them! Tbh I think most of us could just stop at this step and be set for a very long time.

2. Make do and mend.

   I don’t know about you but I used to get rid of a LOT of clothes because of small problems like stains, holes, or missing buttons. Taking a few minutes to learn how to replace a button, patch a hole, or properly treat stains can exponentially extend the life of your garments. Take this a step further, and small changes to necklines, hemlines, and closures can take a garment lingering in the back of the closet to a new favorite.

3. Swap before you shop. Im sure I don’t have to explain the concepts of “hand-me-downs” to you, and this is a GREAT way to update your wardrobe without creating any new clothing OR spending any money. If you don’t have local friends with similar style and size as you, don’t give up! Swap Society is a great (local, and woman-owned!) that takes this concept ONLINE and lets you swap your clothes with other ladies (and kids!), all across the country.

4. Shop secondhand first.

   Ok so theres something you DON’T already have and theres no one around to beg, borrow, or stay from. What do you do now? Thrift stores are an obvious choice, but, depending on where you live, your options might be limited. Thankfully there are tons of online options. Ebay is great if you know EXACTLY what you’re looking for (I have a friend that’s an absolute WIZARD at this), Thredup lets you filter by size, category, brand etc. very easily (and you can sell clothes back to them as well, also we both get a $10 credit if you order through that link), and apps like Poshmark and Depop let you easily browse other peoples closets. I’ve even had pretty good luck with local facebook buy/sell/trade groups!

5. DIY.

   I mean, whats slower than literally MAKING your own clothes. But real talk, if you’ve got some basic sewing skills (or are willing to learn, I offer custom private lessons in LA/OC) you’d be amazed at the things you can avoid buying (I haven’t bought underwear in years!), and by buying ethical, secondhand, or salvaged fabrics (I talk about this a bit more in this post) your makes can be super affordable AND eco-friendly.

6. Shop small.

   Ok so maybe you need something thats beyond your abilities to make and you just cant find it secondhand. Do your research and see if you can find it from a small business, preferably one with an empasis on ethical practices and sustainaiblility. This SOUNDS expensive, but I’ve found that isnt always the case! I’ve been wanting a new leather jacket for a long time, and at first I was going to save up for one like this from Madewell, but through Instagram I came across a brand called Pelechecoco and it turns out that their recycled leather jackets are SIGNIFICANTLY lower priced than Madewell’s.

7. Buy well, make it last.

   Sometimes we just need to buy stuff. I’m super picky about shores and don’t always have good luck finding the EXACT THING I want in my size secondhand (though sometimes I do like those beauties from Depop up at the top of the post). So, when I do actually NEED shoes (or jeans, or a leather jacket), I make sure to choose something neutral, high-quality, ethical if possible and then WEAR IT TO DEATH.

I know that we are SO conditioned to think that fast fashion is the only affordable way to dress. But trust me, if you just keep your eyes and mind open, there are OPTIONS. I don’t know if a 100% perfect slow fashion exists, or that any one of us can singlehandedly end all of the horrible things happening in the garment industry, BUT I really do think we can create major change just with consistent baby steps in slowing down our wardrobes.

Six things from Azure Standard I can no longer live without

It’s been about six months since I started ordering from Azure Standard, and, when I say the experience has been life-changing, I’m not exaggerating. Azure makes bulk shopping a lot more accessible and affordable for us, which in turn frees up a lot of my time to spend doing things I actually enjoy instead of grocery shopping.

Azure carries like, evvveryyything and honestly sites like that make me really anxious. Like HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BUY?!?!?! So, in the interest of helping out anyone who’s seen me talk about Azure but been like, “ok how does this help ME?” I’ve compiled a list of my favorite things to buy from them:

• RAW CHEESE

Ha you thought I was going to say GF flour, weren’t you. NOPE, the REAL thing that sold me on leaving the house at the ungodly hour of 7am to pick groceries up from the back of a truck was this cheese. Benny and I don’t do so well with dairy. Ok, Benny really can’t have dairy at all. Unless it’s raw. Which, while totally legal in CA, is stupidly expensive (likeeee $7.99 for a 8oz…) BUT Azure has MULTIPLE VARIETIES in bulk for under $30 for FIVE POUNDS. $5ish a pound. You’d pay that for orange cheddar at Target. And this cheese won’t give my son diarrhea.

• Gluten Free flours

If you read my sourdough post (or signed up for my sourdough course….) you know all about this. But in case you haven’t, AZURE HAS 25 POUND BAGS OF THE BOBS RED MILL FOR UNDER $50. As long as I keep my baking to a reasonable level, this lasts us a good two months and, added bonus, is totally plastic free.

• Bulk dry beans

We eat a lot of beans. Like, 3-4 dinners a week involve beans. Choosing dried beans over canned has a variety of benefits, but getting them 1lb at a time from Sprouts was getting really tedious but buying more than that at a time created some storage issues. So now I buy our most-used beans (black and garbanzo) in 5lb (paper!) bags from Azure that are easy to store and allow me to meal prep like a good mom that meal preps.

• Honey

One thing I’m really working on in our diet is reducing our intake of refined sugars, which I’m mainly doing by switching to honey and maple syrup for our cooking at home. In THEORY this seemed like an easy swap (and pretty quickly cut down our sugar cravings/tolerance) but DAMN honey is NOT CHEAP and I have STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT THOSE PLASTIC BEARS. But Azure has this wonderful QUART SIZE glass jar of raw wildflower honey for, get this: THIRTEEN DOLLARS. Like, I’ve paid that for a pint jar at Sprouts.

• Gluten free oats

Ok so Benny and I are both celiac, but he’s a LOT more sensitive than I am, so… where I can cheap out take some chances with non GF-certified oats… he absolutely 100% can not. But since I’m a mean mom that won’t buy box cereal, oatmeal is kind of our main weekday breakfast and… we go through a LOT of oatmeal. A $7.99-a-two-pound-bag-from-Bob’s-red-mill-is-just-not-happening amount of oatmeal. We go through over a pound of oatmeal each week so… Azure is a lifesaver with their 5 and 25lb bags of oats at around $2 a pound.

• Gluten free pasta

I have small children. I am very lazy. Pasta is a pretty necessary staple in this house. In all honesty this one isn’t really cheaper than buying it at a store but the convenience of buying it in a TEN POUND BOX and just ALWAYS HAVING PASTA on hand is worth its weight in gold. Idk what ten pounds of gold is worth but thats probably what I’d be willing to pay to just HAVE pasta for every time I didn’t want to cook actual food.

Do I sometimes order other things from Azure? Yes. Do I order all of these every time? Of course not. Am I saying that these are the only or best things to order from them? Absolutely not. BUT, if you wanted a peek into what our best buys from Azure are, there you have it! Also, full disclosure this is an affiliate link and I get a kickback if you use it and/or use the code VictoriaMeyers2 at checkout, which I would really appreciate BUT all opinions are my own and I do spend A LOT of my own money at Azure…

How to add side-seam pockets to any pattern with side seams

Look, I could talk about institutionalized misogyny all the livelong day but if I had to pick one way women are put at a constant disadvantage to be angry about today its pockets. Freaking POCKETS. WHY IN THIS DAY AND AGE DO WOMEN’S CLOTHES NOT JUST AUTOMATICALLY HAVE USABLE POCKETS?!?!? I have THINGS TO CARRY and you know what I don’t always want to carry a bag with me in order to use them. But noooooo someone in the 1800’s had to get everyone all paranoid that I’d hand out feminist leaflets if my clothes had too many pocketssss (or maybe fast fashion brands just don't want to pay up the extra money to put pockets in my clothes when they could just sell me a bag instead, either way, its bologna).

Which brings me to reason like 939328472398 that sewing is probably the most empowering thing I’ve ever gotten myself into: I can put pockets in anyyyything my little heart desires. I mean a lot of the sewing patterns I’ve been using (especially if the company is owned by a woman) already have pockets, BUT even if I want to make something that doesn’t have them, they are so super stinking easy to add into literally anything with side seams. Seriously. Even though I wrote this tutorial for the BurdaStyle 12/2018 #105 (a very sleek, minimalist circle skirt that I made in black stretch sateen, because of course I did), the same instructions can be applied to any other skirt, pant, short, sweater, or dress pattern that has plain side seams.

Are you as pumped about this as I am? Here’s how it’s done:

First, in addition to the original pattern, fabrics, and notions your project calls for, you’ll also need a pocket pattern piece (I had one from the Dress 47 already cut, but you could easily draft your own by tracing your hand and adding a seam allowance), a pen, and, if your pattern doesn’t have any big enough scraps, an extra 1/4 yard or so of your self or lining fabric to cut the pocket bags from. More about that later.

Next we’'ll need to mark the pocket placement, so that they all match and are, you know, at an appropriate pocket location. I looked at some skirts and dresses I already had and 3ish inches below the bottom of the waistband seems to be good.

If your pocket pattern piece doesn’t already have notches at the seam lines, add them to make this next step easier: line up your pocket piece with the side seam so that the top seam allowance notch matches the distance down from the top seam that you want (in my case, 3 inches), then trace both seam allowance notches onto your main pattern piece.

When you cut your fabric, do make sure that ALL NOTCHES ARE MARKED AND CUT IF YOU ENJOY THINGS BEING EASY. Also don’t forget to cut four pocket bag pieces. That won’t be in your cutting layout.

Next, when the pattern says to “sew side seams”, this is where we take a detour: pin your pocket pieces to your main skirt pieces right sides together, matching all notches and then sew just between the notches.

Then, flip them out, pretending that your new wobbly appendage is a normal part of the side seam and just sew all the way down and around and finish the seam however you please.

Finally just tuck the pocket bags in and resume the rest of your pattern instructions.

Seriously. That’s it. And you never have to have clothes without pockets again. Now what are you going to sew pockets in?

Hashtag practically free sewing + a fun Morning Glory top hack

Not that I’m like, GREAT at social media “things”, but a thing I’ve been kinda trying to do is the hashtag #practicallyfreesewing. I definitely don’t have the social media skills or aspirational qualities for this to become like, a big sewing community thing, but for me personally, it’s been a fun experiment for a couple of reasons: 1. it feels good to kinda pat myself on the back when I complete a make that cost nothing (or… close to nothing), and 2. I really want to break down the idea that sewing, slow fashion, and sustainability are luxury market things and not accessible to people with lower amounts of disposable income.

So how does this work, exactly? Well, there are two main components here: the incredible resources of the online sewing community, and alternative methods of sourcing fabrics. The former mainly looks like free downloadable sewing patterns, and the latter covers such a wide range of things I realized while typing that it made more sense to give that it’s own paragraph.

Obviously Pinterest and the Google are an infinite source of free resources in general, and sewing patterns are no exception, BUT, if, like me, you find navigating giant seas of information extremely overwhelming, here is a really great (and REALLY extensive) list of women’s patterns from SewSustainability, and here’s another one focused on childrenswear from the So, Zo sewing blog. I was going to put individual links to a few of my favorites but frankly they’re all on those lists….

As for fabrics, here are a few of my favorite resources, though, this is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to acquire fabrics at little to no cost…

• Your own personal fabric waste - ok so mayyyyyybe this is just me, BUT I’ve noticed that the yardage estimates on patterns tend to be WAY more than you need and with some um… creative? cutting I’m often able to get a second (smaller) project out of what’s left from something big like say, a dress or pair of pants.

• Industrial salvage stores - this is my FAVORITE way to buy fabric. Basically textile and garment manufacturers sell of their overstock/discarded fabrics and then stores sell them by the pound. My favorite place like this is the Michael Levine Loft downtown, where fabrics are $2.99 a pound but sometimes on sale for even cheaper than that.

• Thrift stores - this one can be tricky because you’re really at the mercy of what people have donated, BUT if you think outside of the box and look at things like sheets, linens, and large dresses in the same way as fabric yardage the possibilities are endless

• Remnants - when traditional fabric stores get to the end of a bolt of fabric, what’s left after the last cut (often a yard or less but Michael Levine regularly has 3-4 yard remnants) are set aside and sold at a discount. Sometimes this is a VERY steep discount like at Joann where remnants are automatically marked down 50% and often go on sale for an additional 50% off of that.

One free pattern I’ve had in my queue for I don’t even how how long is the Morning Glory top by Sarah Kirsten, which is unique because instead of being a printable PDF that you assemble, it’s a set of instructions to draft your own simple top based on your own measurements. A couple weeks ago I finally had the time to make it, and… well… it’s been on my list for so long I had THREE different fabrics to make it up in: a windowpane plaid flannel leftover from another project, a linen(?) remnant from Michael Levine, and a salvaged silky-stretchy floral from FabScrap (a really, REALLY cool organization in New York that repurposes industrial textile waste).

I’m sure you’re familiar with a million photos just like this all over sewing Instagram

The Morning Glory is already reversible as is (you can tie it in the front or the back), but after I made the first one I kept thinking, “this would be SO good as a wrap though”, BUT I didn’t want to deal with ties or loose the ability to wear it tied. I’ve had an idea for a pattern floating around in my mind that used buttons to secure a wrap and maybe that would work here? GUYS IT TOTALLY WORKED HERE!

And it’s like, the quickest, easiest “pattern hack” there ever was!

LITERALLY all you have to do is add a buttonhole to each of the tie ends, and then sew a button onto the allowances of the french seams near the waist. That’s it. you can even do it on a Morning Glory that you’ve already made. AND NOW YOU HAVE ONE TOP THAT CAN BE WORN FOUR WAYS!!!! (tied in front, tied in back, wrapped in front, and wrapped in back).

Can you even call this a “hack”? It can be explained in one photo…

So remember last summer when I had a VERY obvious Ogden Cami tan? I think this summer is the summer of the VERY OBVIOUS MORNING GLORY TAN.

Full outfit details: Sarah Kirsten Morning Glory top in floral fabric from Fabscrap with JCrew jeans from SwapSociety

The only blog post you will ever need about gluten free sourdough

I’ve been working on this post for an embarrassingly long time, but the day is finally here. It’s as finished as it’s ever going it be. It’s my guide to all things gluten-free sourdough. This might be the most important thing I’ve ever written. Get ready to have your life CHANGED.

But first, some backstory: I’be been exclusively gluten free since I diagnosed with Celiac disease in 2012 (just kidding the first time was in 2007 but thats a whole different story), and, since gluten free bread tends to be expensive and/or (usually and) terrible, I just kind of went without. Until the fall of 2017, when I got the VERY UPSETTING NEWS that my MOST PRECIOUS WONDERFUL PERFECT ANGEL OF A SON has inherited at least one of my crappy genes and had Celiac disease too. I mean, that explains the excessive poop-related issues we’d been dealing with his um… whole life but STILL. I may be able to grit my teeth through crappy (or no) bread until I meet the sweet relief of death (I’m operating on the assumption that heaven has bread, but don’t quote me on this) but MY SON DESERVES BETTER. MY SON DESERVES DELICIOUS BREAD. And also I don’t know what the hell else toddlers are supposed to eat.

It took an unnecessarily long time of halfheartedly researching it (and dabbling in other DIY fermentation experiments to prove to myself I could do it) but with a little nudge from my friend Lauren who is a totally normal person with a job and other interests and not a food blogger with a financial interest in leading me to believe I am more capable of this sourdough thing than I actually am, I gave it a serious try, and… it totally actually 100% worked GLORY HALLELUJAH WE HAD BREAD.

But here’s the thing. This took an unnecessary amount of research because there just isn’t a ton of resources when it comes to gluten free sourdough. I mean theres some stuff but not enough that gluten sourdough recipes aren’t showing up in the google results. And most of what I found involved blending all the kinds of alternative flours and/or like way too many steps/dishes. I need bread, I need it to be GOOD, but I also need it to be EASY. And, I hope this isn’t too bold of an assumption, but I’m assuming that’s what you want too.

SO WHO’S READY TO GET THIS BREAD???

Ok before that I need to get a couple things out of the way: I’m not an actual expert on this subject and this post is just MY experience with gluten free sourdough. Your results may vary, I’m happy to answer any questions you might have but I can’t promise that I’ll actually know the answers. Also, while the bread and bread related recipes in this post are gluten free, dairy free, and some of them are vegan, the aren’t exactly “health food” recipes so please don’t come at me about refined carbs and such. We are gluten free PURELY out of genetic necessity. PURELY.

Another disclaimer: I am not a food photographer or recipe writer and the lighting in my kitchen is TERRIBLE. So please excuse the lack of technical terms and step by step photos. I’m doing my best here.

Alright guys, lets go.

So the basic principle behind sourdough is that the natural bacteria and “wild yeast” in the air will eat the starch in the flour and essentially fart out bubbles of gas that make air pockets in the bread so that it’s soft and delicious instead of gross and crumbly like store GF bread. UNFORTUNATELY since the thing that makes this work well in gluten bread is the um… gluten, there are some considerations we need to take: One, even with the HAPPIEST starter we’re going to need a secondary leavening agent, whether that’s eggs, baking powder, or yeast. Even the BEST gf flour blend (I’ll get to that in a minute) just doesn’t have the structure to rise well on its own. Also, GF dough is notoriously delicate, so there won’t be a lot of kneading or loaf-forming here. BUT IT WILL BE DELICIOUS and thats all that matters.

This process can basically be broken down into two steps: first, we’ll need to make a “starter” or “mother” that’s going to give us the wild yeast necessary for our sourdough. This takes a few days but once it’s nice and happy THEN we get to bake with it. And after you bake with it you have to feed it and basically now you have a new pet but it’s a pet that helps you make bread. Let’s see a dog do that.

there are three ways you can go about making a sourdough starter: you can buy a pre-made culture and follow the directions on the box, you can start with a small amount of someone else’s starter that they gave you (if you’re local I’d be happy to give you some of mine), OR you can make your own. Making your own SOUNDS intimidating but actually it’s the cheapest and involves talking to the least amount of people so this is the one I recommend and also the one I'm going to walk you through right now. If you’re going to choose a different route for your starter that’s fine you can meet back up with me in a few paragraphs.

You need exactly three things to make your starter: gluten free flour, water, and a jar. Ok I guess you need a spoon too. So, four things. But that’s still not very many things.

A quick note about flour. I use Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free 1-to-1 for basically everything. I use it so much of it i buy it in 25 lb bags from Azure Standard. I can’t say enough nice things about Azure but the biggest thing is that their price on this particular item is $30-40 cheaper than I’ve been able to find anywhere else, AND they ship it to my local drop point for free. If you’re not using Azure Standard, you really, really should (and use the code VictoriaMeyers2 when you check out because reasons). The only thing I don’t use it for is the bread loafs. For those I use Pamela’s artisan flour blend (also purchased in bulk from Azure Standard). Look, I’m no expert and can’t explain exactly WHY Pamela’s works better for the bread AND THE BREAD ONLY but trust me here. Just put both in your cart right now. I’ll wait. For further reference, when I say the word “flour”, I mean Bob’s Red Mill gluten free 1 to 1, unless I say “Pamela’s” in which case I mean Pamela’s artisan gluten free flour blend, but I don’t have time to type those out every single time.

Ok so now you’ve got flour, water, and a jar to put it in. Awesome. Now we begin the arduous days-long journey of cultivating wild yeast. The “traditional” way of doing this involves mixing big quantities of flour and water, pouring most of it out, and adding more. Because, as you’ve noticed, gluten free flour is a bit on the spendy side, we want to avoid this. So I’ve come up with a perfect, no-pouring method to get yourself some sourdough started in just four days. Also, theres pancakes involved so…

DAY ONE AM:

Wash your jar really well and mix 2 Tbsp each of flour and water in the bottom. Cover with cloth or a paper towel but NOT THE LID OF THE JAR.

DAY ONE PM:

Stir in 2 more Tbsp each of flour and water. It will look, smell, and taste like glue and you may feel like you’ve been duped. You haven’t. Please, stick with me here.

DAY TWO AM:

We’re gonna step up our feeding by stirring in 1/4 cup each of flour and water.

DAY TWO PM:

Do it again but HEY LOOK THERES SOME BUBBLES AND IT KINDA SMELLS. This is good. We want it to smell.

DAY THREE AM:

We’re gonna feed it MORE! 1/2 cup each of flour and water!

DAY THREE PM:

Another 1/2 cup each! Uh oh, the jar is getting kinda full now.

DAY FOUR AM:

Ok that jar is pretty full, there are some small bubbles, and it definitely smells kinda sourdough-ey. If we add any more flour and water the jar will overflow, but we don’t want to throw away our precious sourdough, so LETS MAKE SOME PANCAKES.

Pancakes are a great way to use up “poured off” starter, starter that’s not quite ready yet, or just, because you want pancakes. And also the sourdough aspect fixes a lot of the things that are typically wrong with gluten free pancakes. Mainly the like, texture and that they don’t rise very well. Here’s how you do it:

Mix 1 cup of sourdough starter, 1 cup of GF flour, 1 cup of milk or milk alternative (we use oat), 1 egg, 1 tablespoon sugar or sugar alternative, 2 tsp of baking powder, and some cinnamon and vanilla extract in a large bowl and let it sit for at least 5 minutes. This step is very necessary because the GF flours tend to take some time to absorb liquids. Look I don’t make the rules. Then you can pour small scoops onto a hot griddle or frying pan, flip over when bubbly, hopefully don’t burn them, and enjoy with your favorite pancake toppings.

THEN after you’ve enjoyed your pancakes you should have a small amount of starter left in the jar (less than a cup?). Now we’re going to give it a big feed to make some actual bread. Now, different blog posts will tell you different things about starter/flour/water ratios and feeding schedules BUT all of them are way too complicated and here’s what I’ve found works best with the gluten free sourdough: you know that thing in the bible that says a little leaven leavens the whole lump? So, the GF starter seems to be most happy and bubbly if you use up most of it, and then feed it according to what you plan on making next. Different recipes require different amounts of starter, so, whatever the recipe you’re going to use says, stir in that much flour and an equal amount of water, and let it sit for 12-24 hours before you’re ready to start something. Yes, this does mean that you essentially have to plan your bread two days in advance. But trust me, it’s 10000% worth it. Also, you don’t have to feed it twice a day anymore, just, about 12 hours before you want to start making something. You can totally leave it for a day or two unfed, and if you go on a trip or something, just pop it in the fridge and it will be fineeeee.

If you want to start with an actual loaf of bread (which I’m assuming you are if you’re this far down into a post about gluten free sourdough), this means 1.5 cups of flour and 1.5 cups of water.

Now 8-12 hours after this feed, you should have, as I call them, THE GOOD BUBBLES (TM)

FINALLY WE CAN MAKE SOME BREAD

So first we’re going to mix together 1.5 cups of that nice bubbly starter, 2 cups of the PAMELAS gf flour blend, 1 cup of water, 1/2 teaspoon of active dry yeast, and 1 teaspoon of salt in a large bowl, THEN we’re going to gently transfer this dough into an oiled or parchment lined loaf pan and DON’T SMUSH IT DOWN JUST KIND OF GENTLY PAT IT IN (I have a pampered chef stoneware and I LOOOOVVVVEEE it) and let it rise for at least 12, but up to 24 hours. If all goes well it should have gone from the biggest worst looking drop biscuit you’ve ever seen to “hey that’s kinda almost a bread”, and NOW you can pre-heat the oven to 375, and bake for an 1hr 15mins - 1hr 30mins, or until it’s browned and you can stab it without the knife getting gross. Like all breads, you need to wait until it’s REALLY cool to cut it, but, YOU’VE MADE BREAD. REVEL IN ITS GLORIOUS CRUMB. YOU ARE THE MASTER OF HOME FERMENTATION.

Obz now you’re like, super into this and wondering WHAT THE HECK ELSE CAN I MAKE and let me tell you, there are some THANGS that can be made here:

You can make Flatbread (great with hummus):

Mix 1 cup of bubbly starter, 2 cups of flour, 3/4 cup water, 1 egg, 1/2 teaspoon yeast, and 1 teaspoon salt in a large bowl and let rise for 4+ (but as many as possible) hours. With VERY OILED hands pat small handfuls into disks and fry on a hot, oiled pan or griddle for about 2-4 minutes on each side, or until lightly browned and cooked through.

You can make Pizza:

Mix 1 cup of starter with 2.5 cups of flour, 1 cup of warm water, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon yeast, and 1 teaspoon salt. This is the only one you will knead, doing so GENTLY and just until it’s a nice single ball of uniform dough. This will be messy and it will be sticky and it will NOT get stretchy no matter how long you kneed so just stop as soon as theres no crumbles of flour. Let it rise for 4-6 hours, then roll between two layers of plastic wrap (I know, plastic wrap is horrible but a very necessary evil in GF baking) until it’s about 1/2 an inch thick (this makes one very large pizza, divide in half before rolling if you’d like smaller and/or thinner crusts). If you have time let it rise for a couple hours after rolling, then bake at 350 for 15 minutes, add toppings and bake for an additional 15 minutes.

You can make english muffins:

Mix 1.5 cups of bubbly starter with 2 cups of flour, 1 cup of water and 1 teaspoon of salt. Let this rise for 8-12 hours (I usually start this before bed if I want them for breakfast, or in the morning if I want them for dinner), then after rising mix in 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, and 1 egg. Drop large spoonfuls onto a hot and oiled cast iron skillet, cooking each side for about 5 minutes, then covering on low heat for about another 10 minutes until cooked through. Alternately you can just drop large spoonfuls onto a parchment lined baking sheet and bake at 350 for 20ish minutes, but that’s not as fun.

AND AND AND

You can make cookies!

Mix 1/2 cup sourdough starter, 1/2 cup melted butter or coconut oil, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 and 1/4 cup flour, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder. Refrigerate for at least an hour, then roll small balls of dough in cinnamon sugar (optional, press in a crisscross design with a fork) and bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.

I’m SURE there are other things you can make too, these are just the recipes that I Personally have had repeated success with, I mean, skys the limit once you get a happy starter going. If you have another sourdough recipe, PLEASE post or link to it in the comments!

Now I won’t blame you if you start making something sourdough every couple of days, but as i said earlier, if you need a break/don’t have time, your starter will be FINE at room temperature for a day or two, and if you're say, going on vacation for longer, it can totally go into the fridge (just, feed it when you take it out).

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m no expert on all the science and intracies of gluten free baking or sourdough, I’m just a celiac mom that misses bread and doesn’t want her celiac son to miss out too. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to comment or send me an email, and I’ll do my best to help, but I can’t make any promises.

Also, I just want to give a HUGE thanks to Azure Standard for helping me out by providing the flour for this post. Please, PLEASE check them out for all your bulk/health food needs. Also, here are direct links to the Pamela’s and Bob’s flour blends. And yes, I do get a kickback if you order, but only if you use the code VictoriaMeyers2, which I would really, really appreciate (mama needs that flour money…)

Also Also, if you find my very informal recipe style irritating or if this post was just like, WAY too much information all at once, I gotchu. Just subscribe to my email list and you’ll be the first to get the thing I’m working on specifically for you.

Real talk about being and artist on Etsy

2018 was FAR from my “first” year of selling on Etsy. I’ve been selling (on and off, through different projects) since… 2007 I think. The Etsy I joined was a VERY different place where you could ruin a perfectly good vintage blazer with terrible embroidery and people would… buy it? Idk it was a very weird time and looking back over my past sold listings is VERY CRINGEY. For obvious reasons (plus lots of life changes and not being good at business), I never really did “well” on Etsy, so IMAGINE MY SURPRISE in 2017 when this embroidery thing kind of took off.

If I have to live with this, so do you

And by “took off” I mean I brought in a little over $600 which meant, ETSY WAS AN OFFICIAL INCOME SOURCE ACCORDING TO THE IRS AND I GOT TO DO SMALL BUSINESS TAXES FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! I mean I had to anyway because that was the year I started making actual money teaching art classes, but that’s not the point here. My point is that 2017 went well enough in the Etsy department that I was like “oh crap I guess I gotta be like, serious about this because it’s not going away”.

Now, I definitely don’t see (or really have any desire to see) embroidery as being my full-time main-income kind of thing. Which is totally fine because my main thing is kids/homeschooling and my main thing for money is teaching and I’m really happy with that. Embroidery is much more of a hobby, but a hobby that pays for itself (and then some) is a pretty dang nice hobby. But back to what I was really talking about: in 2018 I actually made some goals (I made exactly two goals) for my Etsy shop: keep posting new listings and end the year with all of the “traffic stats” arrows pointing up (I am GREAT at business guys!).

Great news everyone! I did! There are more things in the shop than there were at the end of 2017 and all the arrows are up! Some of them even have pretty high percentages! And my final sales for the year is * slightly more * than I made doing those shirts for The Matches! So, not bad Victoria, not bad at all.

See, all up arrows.

Plus, for the first time EVER I had a whole year where I made at least one sale every month, AND was just one order shy of averaging one order a week. Also I added two new shop categories that I haven’t really gotten around to announcing/marketing (PDF embroidery patterns and custom buttons, if you’re interested). So go me. Much business. Very Entrepreneur.

Have you ever seen such a beautiful chart? Probably, but I haven’t.

In the interest of being transparent and hopefully helpful to anyone who’s ever made something and thought “Hey I bet I could sell these on Etsy!” or, made something that made other people tell them “you should totally sell those on Etsy”, I want to take a minute to talk about some of the real life stuff that goes on with running an Etsy shop even if its really just a glorified hobby. But first: a bit of disclosure:

1. Etsy is the only place I sell online (currently or ever) so I can’t really compare it to any other options

2. I am by no means an expert and this is not a how-to guide

3. Everything I’m saying here is my own personal experience and opinion and please do not base your decisions on what I’ve written here

So, first things first let’s talk about the things I love about Etsy, so much so that I took down my independent online shop that I opened because everyone’s like “if you’re serious about your business you need to get off Etsy” to sell exclusively on Etsy. This blog post is officially at the point where every time I type the word “Etsy” it looks very, very wrong.

The big thing about Etsy is that it’s easy. I literally run this entire side-hustle (except for the physical act of embroidery and when I mail things) on my phone. It’s not even that nice of a phone (it’s an iPhone 6s if you were wondering/wanted to buy me a better phone). I can post and edit listings, copy them to make new listings by just changing the photo and title (v important because I’m lazy/have very high maintenance kids), promote listings through social media, monitor shop statistics and communicate with customers in one app. I’m probably not even using the app to it’s full potential to be completely honest. But it’s great because, as I’ve mentioned before, Etsy is not even close to being my main thing. I don’t have a lot of time for it so it’s nice to be able to keep it running in the spare bits of time I have to check my phone.

Another great thing about Etsy is it’s really affordable to get started: listings are 20 cents each and they take a small commission on orders but only after the sell. This might add up to being “not worth it” and better to have a separate site at some point, but, I think a lot of that depends on your volume and profit margin, and if the product you sell is something that you can mark up to an acceptable profit margin. To be completely honest my volume is pretty dang low and my profit margins are pretty stinking high so this has never been an issue for me. But I understand that this is a legit issue for many others so, just putting that out there.

And finally, Etsy has its own internal search thing going on and people can find you just within Etsy. I’m not good enough at tech or internet stuff to fully articulate how this works or why it matters beyond this: people just searching for things on Etsy can find you/your product fairly easily. Obviously this is great for people running side hustles on their phones between doing other things and aren’t really “marketing”. Probably not a great business model but hey, it works. Maybe not as well as devoting proper time to marketing my own branded personal website but ain’t nobody got time for that. Well, speaking for myself specifically, I don’t, and Etsy so kindly helps me out in this department, which is totally worth the related fees.

But running an Etsy shop even as a glorified hobby takes a lot. It takes a lot and theres not always a lot of return. It takes a lot and theres not always a return.

Which now that I think about it is really the main thing I wanted to talk about here: even though I love Etsy as a platform and have had a really great experience with it, running and even mildly successful shop is a LOT more than posting up listings and waiting for someone to buy them. I mean, theres a lot more to just posting listings than just putting some pictures and words on the internet. You have to make sure your pictures are good and then you have to look at other pictures of similar listings to make sure yours like stand out from the rest (in a good way and not a bad way), you have to do research on how to write product descriptions that don’t leave anything important out and you have to measure everything and think of any possible question a prospective buyer might have and you also have to make it NICE and FUN and but not too SALESY, you know? Oh and you probably want to take the time to research if the thing you’re trying to sell is a thing people would even buy, before also researching price points and seeing where your products fit in what is currently available/being purchased.

And then once the listing are up you need to get them out into the world otherwise no one outside of the Etsy. I am 100% terrible at this so don’t come to me for advice, BUT this means things like posting photos and links on social media, writing blog posts, networking with other creatives, participating in real life events… If it sounds like this takes way more time and effort than the actual making-something-and-posting-it-for-sale part, that’s because it is. Some people are great at this. My friend Heather is great at this. I am not. This probably explains why $680 is an accomplishment for me.

Finally, running an Etsy shop even as a small side-hustle means being willing to learn allllll of the ins and outs of running a business, just on a super micro scale. Business law, shipping, taxes (did you know the city of Los Angeles has a weird self-employment tax that only applies to businesses OVER a certain size but businesses UNDER that size are only exempt if the file a waiver? Ask me how I know), accounting (guys just get quickbooks self employed, and not just because I get $50 if you sign up), planning, marketing, sourcing materials, sourcing business supplies (totally not the same thing), communication, photography, market research, merchandising (not the same thing as marketing!), etc, etc, etc… AND THATS NOT EVEN COUNTING THE TIME/RESOURCES/SKILLS THAT GO INTO YOUR ACTUAL CRAFT.

AND (this is the best part) you might do ALL of this, even do it very well and you still might not actually sell anything. Like not to be a debbie downer but… you can’t actually control if people are actually going to buy what you’re selling. Or, in the case of the second-to-most-recent Etsy thing I did, you’ll put so much time and effort into your product that by time it’s time to sell it, you hate it. Or your skills/interests have grown beyond it. And let me tell you, it is PRETTY DAMN HARD to sell something that you hate, or worse, know isn’t actually your best work.

This stuff was so cute (and I was so skinny?!) but I HATTTTEEEED it

My point is, that if you’re even considering selling something you make, on Etsy or otherwise, make sure you love it. I mean REALLY love it. Like, a would be willing to do all this work and learn all these things that you would never even consider learning normally (hello graphic design and search engine optimization) even if you never sold a single thing kind of love. A love where the making and sharing part is enough to fill your cup because there are a LOT of things that are going to take from it. A love where you’re willing to learn and change and grow and let your art/product do the same.

But at the same time, you should totally do it. It really only takes 20 cents and an app to get started, and there is no better feeling then when the Etsy app makes that cash register sound.

A year of doing things I'm afraid of (and what's next for 2019)

“New Years Resolutions” are kind of a tough thing for me . While I LOVE the idea of them, I’ve gone through several different goal setting methods over the years and up until now none of them have really worked. Big picture resolutions are cool and all but it’s REALLY hard for me to stay motivated as I work on them, and itemized “bucket list” type goals just feel like a big weight to carry and yet another thing that I’m failing at.

But for 2018 I did something that (for me, at least, maybe other people do this and it’s not a big deal?) was totally life changing. Instead of big vague goals or tiny specific goals I picked a “theme” for the year to… I don’t know, like, guide my decisions? Working with a therapist had showed me that not only am I terribly afraid of a lot of stupid things, that’s also… not a very healthy way of living so, my theme for 2018 became “doing things I’m afraid of”.

This turned out to be one of my favorite decisions that I’ve ever made. Instead of having to reverse-engineer the steps to accomplish some big lofty goal or drowning in a sea of small ones, I could simply go through the year, looking at things/situations that I might be afraid of and then… doing them. And I’ve loved it for a few reasons:

First, this works equally well in the micro as well as the macro sense. I was able to confront very tiny fears like cutting a pineapple and learning how to park in the assigned spot under our apartment, as well as much bigger ones like going to Texas and signing a year-long social media influencer contract, things in the middle like fermenting food and posting a picture of my butt on Instagram, and EVERY SINGLE ONE was a valid and valuable step toward my ultimate goal for the year. It didn’t matter that the year took some weird turns and certainly didn't end up the way I was expecting, as long as I was doing things I was afraid of, I was on my way, not having to re-calibrate my goals to accommodate for unexpected circumstances (not that I’ve EVER had to deal with anything like THAT sarcasm). And it helps that I’m afraid of an absurd amount of mostly stupid things.

2017 me would definitely have been afraid to make either of these garments, let alone wear them TOGETHER

Which brings us to our second point, the one that’s all introspective and goes on about how much I’ve LEARNED and GROWN through this experience and I really want to skip and/or roll my eyes at, but… ITS ALL TRUE. Challenging myself to do things that scare me also forced me to 1. admit that I’m afraid of a stupid amount of things and 2. see JUST HOW MUCH THOSE FEARS WERE HOLDING ME BACK. For example: there were a lot of my passions and interests that I just flat out didn’t shbeare with other people because I was afraid of getting judged/made fun of for being “weird”, but once I started sharing them I learned that, even if the people in my immediate real life circle weren’t exactly supportive, tons of people on the internet WERE and for the first time in my life, I’m a lot more confident in sharing the things I like and care about and… actually feel like I might be helping or encouraging other people sometimes?

Also, since my mental fear-prison covered the whole spectrum of things I could possibly be afraid of, I was able to really progress in a lot of different areas in my life, rather than limiting myself to the specific goals I’d chosen to pursue: I’ve gotten way better at sewing (as well as styling, photographing, and sharing my makes), grown my etsy shop a ton, gotten better at making/keeping friends, totally changed how I parent/homeschool, actually kind of started to get in shape, REALLY started to deal with my mental health… like, so many things that I honestly wouldn't have connected with fears have improved because I just changed my approach instead of just plugging away on one single path.

And finally (honestly I think this is really the best part about the whole thing), since “doing things I’m afraid of” isn’t a specific thing with an end, each conquered fear opened up new opportunities to do something even scarier, which, thanks to the newfound confidence from the previous scary thing I just did, I was actually able to do and it all kinda snowballed and what do you know suddenly I’m flying alone to Minneapolis in the wintertime to spend a weekend with internet strangers and have breakfast with Justin Fucking Pierre and also it was great but at the same time I can’t believe that was a thing that I actually did. But I mean, that’s the whole point I’m trying to make here.

I probably should have kept a list of each individual scary thing I did, but by time I thought to do do that it was too late, I had already lost track, and I mean, the main takeaway from this whole thing is that, thanks to committing to doing things I’m afraid of, I’m a much more confident, less anxious person with a much more interesting life than I had at the beginning of the year. 2018 brought some AMAZING experiences: multiple dream jobs, finally feeling like I belonged somewhere, SO many sweaty mosh pit hugs, and for that I am extremely thankful. 2018 was a hard one in so many ways, but it really truly was a great one.

Outfit details: top and skirt are both BurdaStyle patterns sewn in deadstock chiffon from SAS fabrics in Hawthorne. Layered over this Ohhhlulu bralette made from stretch velvet from Joann fabrics (similar). Glasses are from Zenni Optical and shoes are old af

So am I going to do this whole theme-for-the-year thing again? HECK YES I AM. Honestly I could probably live my whole life doing things I’m afraid of and never run out of new things because THATS THE KIND OF PERSON I AM, but in the interest of maximizing personal growth (because apparently that’s the kind of person I am now), I’m gonna pick a new one. 2019’s theme is “getting better”. Not really pursuing doing anything new but just looking at the things I’m already doing and seeing if there’s any way I can get better. I mean theres some obvious physical and mental health related connotations there, but… I don’t want to limit it to that. Just… going into the new year looking for ways to get better: better at homeschooling, cooking, writing, sewing, running a business, housekeeping, not just being at home by myself all the time… I’m sure I’ll find a whole bunch by the end of the year.

And after all the places 2018 took me, I’m really excited to see where 2019 goes.

U CANT ALWAYS GET WHAT U WANT feat. BurdaStyle 04/2013 #115

For my July BurdaStyle pattern I picked this top. I had big plans for this baby: I was gonna REALLY step out of my sewing comfort zone with some bust shaping and fancy closures and an all in one facing (which I had previously done EXACTLY ONCE in school). I was gonna make it in my fav IKEA canvas so I could get a rad faux-jumpsuit kinda thing with my Lander Pants, but also it would be a more interesting summer top with jeans or a skirt and it was gonna look SO GOOD with my black cutoffs when I saw The Matches in Texas last weekend. 

So, you know that thing about not always getting what you want? 

The stripe patterns even almost match up in the back!

WELL. 

I wasn't very far into this top before I was seriously questioning my fabric choice. The pattern calls for pique which is um... not even close to the same thing as canvas. But! The structure! The cool lines! The... facing. Goodness gracious an all in one facing in canvas on canvas was... not easy. But I got through it!

Not exactly what I was envisioning but I don't hate it.

Then there was the closure. The pattern calls for hook and eye tape. Which I probably should have checked if anywhere local carried but I just assumed there would be some at Joann's. Well. You know what they say about when you assume? You end up with tell tape and loose hooks and eyes trying to DIY your own. Which actually worked a little better than I was expecting, since I was able to deviate a bit from the pattern and give both sides an overlap, making the top more symmetrical because things like that bother me.  But, still not really a sturdy enough closure for a punk show, so that was sad. 

THEN there was the fit. To be completely honest, I've had really good luck up to this point having sewing patterns fit pretty well as drafted. To the point where I almost never make muslins. So... I didn't make a muslin. I... really should have made a muslin for this one. I have no Idea where I got the idea that I could get away with not making a muslin/any adjustments on a very bust-shaping oriented garment for my not-even-an-a-cup boobs. The first time I tried it on I hated it so much I almost cried because at that point it was finished and there was nothing I could do to fix it without taking the whole thing apart. Except for taking in the front seams about 1/4 inch at each bust point and adjusting the curve there. This is where working with a BurdaStyle pattern came in SUPER handy because holy moly these patterns are ACCURATE and adjusting things is easy peasy. I'm still not 100% on if the neckline is all that flattering on me, but at least I was able to take care of the fit. 

The canvas-on-canvas facing was NOT an easy sew but it's sooooo crisp on the edges!

So... it's true that you can't always get what you want. But then theres that other part of that song too. 

And I DID need to break out of my very-simple-shapes comfort zone and make something with some actual structure. I did need to check myself and not get so cocky with my fabric choices. I did need to practice an all in one facing and learn to be more creative with notions beyond just picking cute buttons. I did need to accept that not every pattern is going to fit me as drafted and I NEED TO TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE MUSLINS. And mostly I needed a big fat slice of humble pie to admit that not EVERY sewing project can be the OMGBESTSEWINGPROJECTEVER every single time. 

Full outfit deets: Top is BurdaStyle 04/2013 #115, pants are True Bias Lander Pants, both made from this canvas from IKEA

But I'm not complaining about these two-piece outfit vibes. Def gonna try this again with a less ridiculous fabric choice. 

Victoria Ann Meyers X The Matches, or, the story of how the heck that happened

So, I finally got to spill the beans on a secret I'd been keeping since freaking October: I got to collaborate with the freaking Matches on a super limited run of hand embroidered merchandise for their tour that starts tomorrow. If you asked me about this recently I'd probably say something like "I made some shirts for my friend's band" but guys, this project was so much more than that. This is a lifelong dream come true. No, this is probably better than any of my youthful aspirations (I was not a very aspirational youth). 

I regularly find myself asking "how did i get here?" and I figured for my sake, and for anyone who might be interested or in need of some encouragement in their artistic journey (we'll get to that part later), I'm just gonna put it all down here. I'm not exactly sure where to start, but maybe now it's a good time to specify that The Matches aren't just a band, they're one of my favorites. Probably, my second favorite/most influential band of all time. I could probably write a whole other long sappy post listing all my special memories that involve the matches, or all the ways they've positively influenced me as an artist, writer, and person, but, now is not the time for that and frankly that doesn't seem like the kind of post anyone wants to read (nor one I'd really want to write). 

So, how about we start with how Shawn and I became friends? I promised a while ago that I'd tell you this story. Sit tight and get ready for a lot of cringing on my behalf. Shawn and I first met in early 2008 when 18 year old me had the great idea of following my current favorite cute band boy down a dark alley to give him vegan cupcakes and a badly embroidered t-shirt. Teenage me had a lot of questionable ideas and THIS ISNT EVEN THE WORST ONE (this one is probably the worst). Shawn does not remember this. THANK YOU JESUS HE DOES NOT REMEMBER THIS. But for the sake of this blog post, remember the badly-embroidered t-shirt, that's important later. 

if this isn't the most 2008 picture there ever was idk what is

As far as Shawn is concerned, we met in late 2014 before the last of the EVDKTL shows in a manner that was SOMEHOW EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING THAN THE FIRST TIME: I was pregnant and crying because a certain cousin who will remain nameless but is no longer allowed to buy concert tickets for us BOUGHT TICKETS TO THE WRONG SHOW AND WE COULDN'T GET IN. Shawn then proceeded to call their manager (henceforth referred to as Pablo for the sake of brevity) to get us the last two spots on their guest list. As this is happening, some sweet angel of a lady comes over to us and just gives two more tickets (which was perfect cause we needed four). Tbh at this point in my life I had been in a really dark and miserable place for a long time and wasn't used to people being genuinely nice to me, so, this had a pretty profound effect on me. I joked that if we had a boy we'd name him Pablo Harris Meyers. I wasn't really serious but we ended up naming him Benedict Harris Meyers, which didn't seem like a weird thing to do at the time because I thought this was the end of the story. Obviously it wasn't. 

My favorite part of this picture is how you can't even tell I was so sick that my dinner was a cup of instant mashed potatoes that I forced down in the backseat of my cousins boyfriends car. 

Much, much later I had finally gotten the itch to start making art again (fun face I went to art school and dropped out/quit making art when i was in my junior year). I had an idea for a tattoo but no tattoo money so I made my idea into a little embroidery hoop. It felt really good so I bought supplies to make more and made at least three of them before I decided it was cute and posted it on instagram. At this point Shawn and I had become like, internet friends (idk why, I'm like, the most boring person ever), and he said some nice things about my embroideries. Which was pretty surreal to me since he was a huge artistic influence for me before I quit making art, and as far as I was concerned, this was just a mediocre craft project. 

This was the first hoop I ever did. I like to think they're better now. 

In all honesty, I thought I'd make a few hoops and get bored and never do embroidery again, just like all my other dumb hobbies, and I definitely, 100% WAS NOT INTERESTED in selling them. but after so many years of being miserable and not making art, stitching through all my favorite songs was really cathartic and ideas kept coming and I kept making and posting the hoops. Apparently people liked them? Shawn made a couple of comments about selling them which made me uncomfortable so I was like "haaaaaa how about I just give you one". I was hoping if I ignored it it would go away. It didn't. Shawn started using my hoops to promote his podcast and publicly called me out in one episode to open up an Etsy shop. This made me very uncomfortable so I hastily put one together, in the hopes that that would be the end of that and should someone really want a hoop they could buy one I guess. I sent a few hoops off as gifts and kinda sat back waiting for this thing to blow over. Which, obviously, it didn't. 

I wouldn't call what happened an "overnight success" but, I definitely wasn't loosing money. So I accepted that I'd accidentally become an artist and this is just my life now. Sure, I'm not super comfortable with it but something about life and comfort zones. 

Me at finally being allowed to talk about the shirts. 

But back to the shirts. FINALLY WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE SHIRTS!!! Back in October of last year Shawn asked me if I'd be willing to do like a pop-up collection in 2018. Obviously I was all "heck yes" because 1. that thing about doing projects for friends, and 2. THIS MEANT THAT THE ABIH TOUR WAS ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY HAPPENING. I forget exactly what Shawn actually asked me to make but after thinking about The Matches' diy punk roots, how their current fanbase actually dresses, and how I could really make this project about me I decided I was gonna do 20 completely different vintage shirts and sweaters embroidered with my artwork. Shawn was surprisingly cool with this and I basically spent the next few months embroidering shirts in my practically nonexistent spare time and secretly dying inside that I wasn't allowed to talk about it because at this point the tour wasn't even announced yet. 

BUT!!!! The tour starts tomorrow and this is all out in the open and if you're going to a show GET YAS A SHIRT CAUSE THIS AIN'T HAPPENING EVER AGAIN. I have no idea how this is all going down, that's out of my hands (literally, I dropped them off with Pablo yesterday) but, I mean, this is your warning to take whatever (legal?) means necessary to get yourself one of these babies. Theres only 20 of them and like, a lot more than 20 people going to these shows. 

look they're even NUMBERED cause I'm pretentious AF

I'm not going to lie, a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (ok really mainly just tears) went into this project and the imposter syndrome is REAL, guys. I almost quit SO MANY TIMES. I mean, I'm low key still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out and say I'm being punked cause this just doesn't seem real (omg I just dated myself with a reference, didn't I?)

But before I leave here I just want to say a few things: 1. If you've got an idea or a creative itch to scratch, just do the thing. Best case scenario it opens up all kinds of new doors and totally changes your life fore the better, and worst case, at least you did the thing and you're happier than you'd be if you hadn't. 2. If you're a creative that's struggling with everything that you do not going the way that you want it to, just keep doing things until something works out. I'm sitting on over a decade of experience at failed creative ventures and only just now have something that's kinda working for me. and 3. If you're ever faced with a chance to do something nice for someone else, no matter how small it seems to you, do the thing, cause it might end up turning into a big life changing thing to that person. 

And one more thing: thanks so, SO much to all the rad folks who have supported me through this crazy ride. You know who you are and I wouldn't be here without you. Also great job for making it all the way down here, I mean I almost didn't. 

This one is my favorite tho and I'm v jealous of whoever gets to keep it

My first Me-made May + a very exciting announcement!

If you follow me on instagram (again, how are you even here if you don't?), you already know that I've just finished my first #memademay. If you're not familiar with it, Me-made May is an event in the sewist community on social media where sewists challenge themselves to wear, work on, and/or share their handmade wardrobes. Last year I watched this go by somewhat enviously as I was still in my last semester of fashion school and ironically had no time for sewing for myself. Also I was just not very good at sewing back then. But things are different now and I felt up for the challenge. 

Overall it was a pretty cool experience! My challenge for myself was to wear and/or work on something handmade every single day. And I did! I was pleasantly surprised at how much mileage I was able to get out of my makes, how little I repeated outfits, and my dedication to at least work on something even on the days i was too lazy to get dressed (that homeschool life though...)

This tiny pucker will drive me insane until the day I die. 

What I wasn't expecting though, was for this month to be like, super eye opening about both my wardrobe and my sewing habits. Looking back at all my outfits for the month, I noticed that my everyday style is very "top and jeans" with a little "casual dress" thrown in if it's warm out. But that's... not what I usually sew. 

It turns out that (surprise surprise) I typically approach sewing projects as a designer. Meaning, I'll get inspired by a fabric or a RTW item or someone else's make and get a vision of how I'd make it my own and then build a whole concept and painstakingly execute it. Now, I'm not complaining because this process creates things like my perfect striped Lander pants, but what it doesn't exactly do is create a cohesive, easily wearable everyday wardrobe. So, moving forward, I want to work on shifting my process to look a bit more critically at what I have vs. what I wear and identifying any "holes" in my wardrobe so that I can fill them. Obviously still with an emphasis on good design and a cohesive concept, just... more product-oriented rather than process-oriented. 

I'm not bad at ironing this fabric just wrinkles if you so much as look at it. 

Which is where this "exciting announcement" business comes in: for the next year I'm partnering with BurdaStyle to do exactly that! Each month I'll be making a new pattern and posting about my concept, process, styling, and how each new piece fits into the "holes" I found in my wardrobe. And who knows, maybe I'll throw in some things for the kids too...

As I mentioned earlier, Me-made May revealed that while my go-to outfit is a top and jeans, I don't actually have that many "nice" tops, me-made or rtw. Actually, I have exactly two Ogden Camis, two Simplicity 1690s (one of which I hate), two Wanderer Tanks, and an assortment of secondhand flannels and long-sleeve button-ups. Everything else is a band t-shirt or a Rumi Tank. So, my first pattern for this year is this cropped short sleeve button up. This one was a double-whammy because not only does it fill a big gap in my wardrobe, but it's also pushing my boundaries as a sewist because I've actually never made a collared shirt before (no, I'm not lying about going to fashion school...). 

Better button placement next time, plz. 

I made this one from some like grey woven (fiber content unknown) that I bought from Christine Haynes before she moved to New York. It was a fairly big piece (3-4 yards?) and now I have three different tops made from this same fabric. Say what you will about me but at least I have a very consistent brand. Despite having a little trouble with the collar (I may have folded it at the wrong line) and button holes (in both placement and execution, this fabric did NOT like buttonholes), I did end up with the exact type of top that my wardrobe was lacking: something nicer than a tee, more covered than a cami, but not a full-length flannel. Bonus points, I don't have to tuck it into my high waisted pants (which is... all of my pants). This pattern is definitely going to see a lot of repeated use in the future, especially since the fit on the size 37 was A+ with no alterations. 

I feel like this pattern is a really great one if you're wanting to try a collard shirt for the first time, since it's got a really simple shape (no darts!), short sleeves (no pleats or cuffs!), self-facings in the front, a one piece convertible collar (meaning no neckband *praise hands emoji*), and the *four* pattern pieces fit comfortable on *one* yard of 60" fabric. It's like, the perfect small-piece-of-awesome-fabric project. And like I said, this one is definitely getting made again. Next time, with better buttonholes. 

Full outfit details: Glasses from Zenni Optical, BurdaStyle blouse made from unknown fabric with vintage buttons, v old Madewell jeans (but those are similar), vintage belt I stole from my husband. 

You can find the pattern right here, and while I don't have a link to this exact fabric, this can be done in any crisp, lightweight woven as long as you have a little interfacing and three buttons. 

So... what should I make next? 

Don't call me #goals

Obviously it's been a long time since I've posted anything here, and... I don't really have an excuse. I just wasn't feeling the whole long-form-content thing. And that's the whole blessing/curse of self employment, isn't it? That I don't have to do anything I don't want to. I mean, #goals, right?

Which brings me to the point of this blog post. If you haven't been following me on Instagram (which, if you haven't, how on earth did you get here? I have so many questions...) you've probably heard me mention that my "theme" for this year is "doing things I'm afraid of". And if you haven't, my "theme" for this year is "doing things I'm afraid of". For some context, I am afraid of a great many of very stupid things and I guess now I'm... doing them. A lot of them. From learning to cut a pineapple to sewing actual pants with buttons to posting a picture of my butt on the internet, to booking a trip to freaking TEXAS, scary things are getting DONE. Honestly this has been going surprisingly well: exactly none of the scary things that I've done this year have blown up in my face and resulted in a world-ending catastrophe. Of course, we're still a couple months out from that trip to Texas I booked... but I digress. 

But here's the thing that's kind of starting to bother me: the more I do these (usually dumb) things I'm afraid of the more comfortable I've become with sharing about them and the more people have positively responded to them and said nice things about me being encouraging or inspiring or, most uncomfortably, #goals. Now on the one hand I've been very fortunate to find the internet to be a very positive and inspiring space and I'm happy to be able to be on the giving end of this transaction rather than the receiving end for a change. But guys, I am not #goals. Not even a little bit. 

Hi I'm 28 and have lots of grey hair. This is fine. I'm fine. 

Look, I may have a nice late-20's-embracing-who-I-am-as-a-person-and-not-hiding-it-to-seem-more-socially-acceptable-or-something going on, and it seems to have led me to some opportunities that I never thought I'd get to see (which hopefully I'll be able to share about soon), but, before anyone starts putting me on any kind of pedestal, there are a couple things I think are worth talking about: 

The first is that, like one would assume, I'm pretty particular about what I share online and curate the heck out of it. My social media presence is less about accurately representing my actual life and more about giving myself a record of my highlights and accomplishments so that I can look back on them when I'm having a hard time. Which is... pretty much most of the time given that outside of my curated highlights, my life is a wreck, guys. I'm not sure where my reputation for having my crap together and a DGAF attitude came from but 1. I have approximately 0% of my crap together and 2. I actually do G a lot of Fs. Waaaaaaaayyyy too many Fs. For crying out loud I am a grown-ass adult woman that had "cutting a pineapple" on their list of fears that need to be conquered and I think that really says a lot about me as a person. 

Yeah, so social media isn't (even close to) an accurate representation of my life, who's is? I'm not saying this makes me unique, it's just... a lot of the comments I've gotten make me really uncomfortable because I know that they don't know what's happening outside of the Instagram square. And it's mostly me yelling at my kids while they chase each other through a trashed apartment, often breaking things and injuring themselves in the process. I mean, if we're being honest. I may be able to pull off some cool illusions on the internet, but in real life I only just now figured out that our gas bill isn't randomly twice as much as usual, I just forget to pay it sometimes. I've been paying our bills for eight years. 

These pants were v complicated. Please appreciate them. 

The second thing, which is a lot harder for me to talk about, is that while yes, my recent accomplishments are cool and there's nothing wrong with being proud enough to show off the fruit of my hard work, the successes I've had have not come easily. Not at all. The last thing I want is for someone to look at anything I've done in the past year or so and think that there was anything quick or easy about it. My early 20's were hell guys. I spent the better part of a decade convinced I would never see anything beyond the misery and failure that I let surround and eventually define me. If it seems like I'm surprised or skeptical that some things have worked out for me lately it's 100% because I am. 

Look, I'm just as stoked as you are that I've had some moderate success as an artist, but did you know I spent over ten years on failed etsy shops and craft fairs with nothing to show for it? This year I made a pretty decent part-time income running my own gig teaching art and craft classes (and next year I'm adding sewing!), but five years ago I was doing the same thing for $9 an hour at the most poorly managed craft store ever. I spend a lot of time these days sharing the things I'm passionate about online, but only after spending my entire adult life hiding them to seem more "socially acceptable" because I was desperate for friends (update: still don't really have any irl but at least I have people on the internet to talk to?). My kids are awesome and I love them but they resulted from the kind of pregnancies/birth/postpartum phases that make me laugh at the people that ask me if I'm gonna have a third one (I... should probably stop doing that, I guess it's not very nice). I may look 19 on the outside but I feel approximately 378 on the inside.  And don't get me started on all the days I spend stuck in bed from chronic pain. 

Full outfit details: Sunglasses from Zenni Optical, Self-made EO necklace, Self-drafted top made from sanded satin fabric from Joann Fabrics, True Bias Lander Pants made from cotton canvas from IKEA, and sandals from Savopoulos on Etsy. 

My point here is that while comparing ourselves unfavorably to strangers on the internet seems to be an inescapable side-effect of digital culture, please, please, please don't call me #goals. I'm not aspirational. Tbh I hope for your sake I'm not even relatable, I mean, I literally asked my mom to call amazon customer service for me the other day.